#141: Whisky and 15 cigarettes a day is the secret of my good health' says Dorothy

Hardy pensioner Dorothy Howe has reached her 100th birthday - despite smoking nearly half a million cigarettes during her life.

The retired secretary took her first drag aged 16 and has puffed her way through 15 Superking Black ciggies every day since then.

She has smoked around 460,000 cigarettes over the last 84 years - costing £193,000 at today’s prices.

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100-year old Dorothy Howe puts her longevity down to her love of cigarettes and whisky

But despite the obvious health risks, Dorothy believes smoking is the secret to her old age - and a regular drop of whisky. Relaxing with her favourite tipple of Bell’s, she said: 'I put my health down to whisky and cigarettes. I only drink when I’m out but my doctor said I wouldn’t be alive without them. 'She's thought very highly of and we hope she's had a great time. It's a real achievement for a great woman.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2500759/Whisky-15-cigarettes-day-secret-good-health-says-Dorothy-celebrates-100th-birthday-glass-favourite-tipple-course.html#ixzz2zLFovaGv

#140: More places to have Cigarette

While drunk

Why is a cigarette so much better when you are drunk? Not quite sure really. But it is very much up there. If I am drunk enough, I can dust through a whole back in one night. I have done it and woke up the next morning thinking a deep throated a porcupine. But drunk cigarettes are dangerous so be careful.


Long Plane/bus rides

I fucking hate plane rides. I am impatient . Plus I am super addicted so that calls for one crazy ass situation for cross country flights. 6 hours without cigarette while a fat dude that smells like a homeless woman’s vagina is sitting next to me. Anyways, so after a torturous 6 hours flight, I love to treat myself to a cigarette. Hell I don’t even go to the baggage claim until I get my fix.

After sex

 Maybe I have been programmed by the movies. Your girl’s head has been a battering ram against the headboard, lighting one up is the icing on the cake. One of my former gf’s smoked cigarette too. After an hour or two of phenomenal sex, we both would go out and have a cigarette. After the cigarette, we would go at it again.

Smoking while taking a shit.

I don’t know how many people do this but smoking a cigarette while shitting is the best combination since peanut butter and jelly. A cigarette is already a laxative, but smoking while shitting is just putting to of my favorite things together. If I could eat steak while having sex, shit I would no
t do anything else. 

#139: Places to have a Cigarette

Here are some places and times when a cigarette is amazing:

When you are stressed or angry

I get angry... a lot. I sometimes wish certain people need to go run into trucks and die. Sometimes, it's just the work. Whenever happens, smoking a cigarette really calms me. Do try it out. If you are a smoker then you would agree with me, else u need to figure it out.

In Vegas

Vegas is an awsome place. I say this because I don’t had fun there. Its because it’s a little too crazy. Next time you are in Vegas, do whatever you want. Trust me, you haven’t seen shit til you have been there. Fucking awesome place! Anyways, the greatest thing about vegas is that you can smoke damn near anywhere. On the roulette table, as you are losing your ass because your “lucky number” hasn’t hit since last week. At the club, you can dance with a cigarette in your fucking mouth. Because if you did it in the cities where you live (outside of Las Vegas) you would get the shit kicked out of you by a security guard.

 After a meal.

Anyways, after a meal, a cigarette just hits the spot. I use it for digestion really. When I was a kid, if I ate too much (which was often) I would drink a 7up for digestion. But now, I got for the good old Marlboro. Don’t believe me? Try and then email me on how much of an genius I am afterwards.

While having a meal.

This is something you can experience at home . After all these healthy conscious nut jobs took over and bitched about how they hate cigarette smoke, most cities in this country have made it illegal to smoke at restaurants. But in certain spots in Korea Town, you still can. Blame it on the fact that Korean people don’t give a shit about the law or they can’t understand the language.

Underneath cover when raining

 When it does rain, I will find a random awning and light one up. I don’t even have an awning at my apartment. I will go drive til I find the nearest awning and light that bitch up. Maybe its just the mood. Whatever the case its awesome.

 While High

Already high but still can't get that KICK (so called) you want. light a cigarette and see the magic. GO ON and see for yourself, YO.