#5: Smoking Advantages

I bet you didn't know all this ...

1.You will always have something to do with your hands.

2.To avoid headaches later in the day, always have a cigarette first thing in the morning.

3.If you work with explosives, you have a handy method of lighting the fuse.

4.Smoking is a good career move if you want early retirement and would like to use up your sick leave.

5.On New Years Eve you don’t have to go out to the fireworks. Just dip your cigarette into a jar of ground up sparklers.

6.Amuse your friends and be the life of the party by blowing smoke rings.

7.Always discard your butts in flower pots and garden beds as it helps fertilise the plants and keeps insects away.

8.Occasional house fires will help keep firemen employed.

9.By buying cigarettes from corner stores, you help support local businesses and help retain the fabric of our society.

10.At the beach, children can use the butts to decorate their sand castles.

11.Annoy neighbours you don’t like by staying home and smoking heavily.

12.You will always have a good reason for loitering – “Officer, I’m just having a cigarette”.

13.Always smoke when you are pregnant. Your smoking helps the unborn baby prepare for the air pollution in the real world.

14.When your neighbour’s kids are too noisy, trigger their asthma by breathing smoke on them.

15.By smoking heavily, you get out of boring work and will have plenty of short breaks during the day.

16.Develop your cool image and fun-loving personality by being a smoker. Non smoking is for wimps and wusses.

17.You will have a good reason to paint the ceilings every three years.

18.Why celebrate world no-tobacco day once a year, when every day can be celebrated as a pro-tobacco day.

19.You will know when it’s time to throw out your old lounge suite by the number of burn marks.

20.Smoking is an adult custom. Add years to how old you look by smoking heavily.

21.If you run out of smokes late at night, help the taxi industry by getting them to deliver your smokes to the door.

22.You can demand more services and benefits from the government because you have paid more in taxes.

23.Help keep the bush fire brigades trained and ready for any emergency by throwing lighted butts from your car window.

24.Keep your weight down by smoking cigarettes instead of eating them.

:P